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After learning about renal failure, I was sad. and when I was going to Islamabad to stay there for dialysis and possible transplant, I came out of home to park for a walk and had a good look at the trees , birds and sky…thinking that I may not see it again…and its hard to get back that feeling of sorrow that the world would be there, and family would be there without me and I would be dead unable to come and help them.
Before transplant I met a young man with a kidney transplant..he had purchased the kidney. He told me he had gone in coma due to renal failure and recovered later. I asked him what were symptoms before going in coma. He said there was a powerful need to be alone, turn of lights and lay down and go sleep. I recalled with concern that before I had discovered the renal failure and gone for dialysis, for sometime I had that sick need of being alone, going sleep in a dark room at odd times…taking break from office before noon for that.
I have started blog at www.amjadafridi.com and am shifting this blog there. See you there.
” My name is ……, you had a kidney transplant ” these were the first words of a nurse I heard like coming from far far away in dark after the kidney transplant as I gained consciousness. I felt extremely guilty for my brother (who had donated me a kidney) and wanted to say let it all reverse, but I asked if my brother is doing well. And the nurse said the brother is okay and asking about you too and she said the brothers love one another. She asked if I had pain and I said yes near my stomach…and she said why is still there pain,,, give more morphine….and then I was again unconscious.
This was first 48 hours after kidney transplant, when I would close my eyes I would see a rain of fire or distorted frightening vivid faces all colored red and moving. I would try to feel strong , would collect my will and keep my eyes closed but it would all become so vivid and images would come so close I would open my eyes in horror. I could not sleep as I could not close my eyes. I wondered what it was. The doctors had stopped my sleeping pills I was used too ( that they may interfere with transplant medicines ) , was it immuno-supressing medicines, anesthesia or other medicines. But I became fine later, and now I sleep well without the sleeping pills.
A few days back I visited hospital for routine checkup for kidney transplant. My blood creatinine was 1.21 well within normal range.
I had never taken kidneys seriously and lived a normal happy healthy life. In 1982 while a university student in USA I felt pain on my left side and noted blood in my urine. An x-ray revealed a stone in the ureter. I was admitted to hospital and taken to operation room with surgery in mind but the doctor said he will try to do it using endoscopy. Luckly the stone was successfully removed by endoscopy.
Then in 1990 while I was an Assistant Commissioner in Fort Abbas , I had severe pain in my right side. Ultra_sound revealed a kidney stone on move in right ureter. I was wondering about surgery where to go for treatment from Fort Abbas , when my officer a Naib Tehsildar came to my office and brought me a bottle of Berberris Kidney Drops, a homeopathic medicine. He told me to take ten drops with water. I said I wont try strange things but on his insistance I did try. Surprisingly after an hour I noted that the pain was gone. I used it for several days and seemed that there was no more pain. I was transferred to Kotli Sattian , a newly created sub-division of Rawalpindi district. Soon again I had severe pain on my right side and even the homeopathic medicine did not work. I visited doctor at Kidney Center Rawalpindi. The doctor took a special x-ray and on examining it told me that the right ureter is blocked with stone subsequent to which the kidney has stopped working which may start working again once we open the ureter by removing the stone. I was admitted and the stone was successfully removed by surgery. However, the doctor noted with concern after the surgery that the Blood Pressure was not dropping down and I should check it. But I left the hospital to forget it all.
In 1994 I was visiting Australia and before that had to undergo medical tests at Islamabad and Rawalpindi. The report of urine test showed Albumin in the urine. The doctor told me that at the time I looked perfectly okay but I should consult expert on the urine Albumin. After return from Australia I tested my urine now and then, and found the Albumin present intermittently. The doctors at Civil Hospital had my urine and Blood samples tested thoroughly and consulted Lady Reading Hospital but could not trace causes. I was advised that I seemed doing well and there were no physical symptom so probably my threshold levels were changed . So I lost concern.
But I kept checking Urine and Blood Pressure now and then and intermittently noted Albumin in urine and raised Blood Pressure.
In year 1998 I was Deputy Commissioner Battgram. I noted that I had difficulty controlling nerves and I started medication Tenormin 50mg for Blood Pressure, but did not check regularly what’s happening to Blood Pressure. Two three years later I started half lexatonil in morning for relaxation and one at night for sleeping. Soon I was addicted to these medicines and my sleeping pattern deteriorated as before.
In 2006 I was Secretary Science and Technology NWFP. I had lost enthusiasm I had for office work and preffered to go home and rest. I even had a feeling that I was ill but body temperature was normal. I looked perfectly healthy and could go for long walks. I had nauseau , some pain in the sides and I wondered about the kidneys, but urine tests had shown no crystals or blood (I was looking for stones, Kidney failure I could not imagine ). I did not visit doctor. I had not heard of Nephrology till then and only thought of urologist concerning kidney. A week or two later I became normal again. But I had a feeling that something was wrong with me as I was not my old self. I wondered about liver, heart and stomach. I also thought the possibility it was alot of job tension and I needed to get away.
In May,2007 I got a week long leave for having a vacation for rest. I planned a visit to Swat and Kalam alone. but on last day I cancelled it and got an appontment at Shifa International Hospital Islamabad for a complete Physical checkup. On May 4, 2007 I appeared at hospital for the checkup . On May 8, 2007 I visited the consultant for the reports, and the doctor went throught my reports telling me that things mostly seemed normal, except that he stopped curoius at one point and told me that my creatinine level was about 9 at which normally people are placed on dialysis and it seemed that both my kidneys are no more working properly. He advised further tests and said he may refer me to nephrolgist. I went to lab for further tests of potassium etc., and for an ultrasound of kidneys. I took the reports and went to a nephrologist in the same hospital. The nephrologist examined me told me that it seemed that both my kidneys are permanently damaged and dialysis and transplant are the options. I was stunned. I told the doctor that I can’t stay at Rawalpindi, that he should refer me to someone at Peshawar. He refered to a nephrologist at Peshawar.
Just a while ago I posted my video in ICU made a few days after kidney transplant. Video has lost clarity but gives an image of how ICU and patient look like.
Today my daughter developed symptoms of Chicken Pox and I panicked about my preventive measures being immuno-suppressed due to Kidney Transplant. I have sent my wife and daughters to village for a while, from where my daughter caught the disease. I will be going to hospital for routine monthly checking day after tomorrow.
For the last few days I felt infuriated at the thought that almost none at job and family are considerate of me as a patient. I get the same tough treatment of life just like everyone else .
One more realization…. I don’t care for many things anymore too…like religion, spiritual life, literature, patriotism …. yes this last one has particularly surprised me as now I often wonder what a tragedy it was to be born in this “miserable” country. haha… I sometimes think may be this is the side effect of the transplant medicines.
One concern which keeps bothering me is that if Taliban take over and there is a general chaos, how will I get reliable transplant medicine and how will it be paid.
I had Kidney Transplant on August 2, 2007 at Shifa International Hospital Islamabad. My younger brother donated me a kidney.
At present I am taking following medicines:
- Neoral (Cyclosporine) 75mg 1+0+1
- CellCept 500mg 2+0+2
- Deltacortil (prednisone) 5mg 1+0+0
- Loprin (aspirin) 75mg 1+0+0
- Carsel 25mg 1+0+1
- Norvasc 5mg 1+0+0
- Cardura 2mg 0+0+1
Notes from Amjad Shahid Afridi 